我2008年8月5日抵达美国。和所有大陆学生一样，在国内马克思主义的熏陶下长大让我坚信这世上从来没有什么救世主，任何事情只能靠自己的努力，我从没相信我自己可以真正的接受主，相信有神的存在。2008年8月底，我在老乡胡橙的带领下做了决志祷告，但说实话，那是我在对美国对自己的生活很绝望的情况做的决志祷告，我并没有真正的相信，于是接下来的一年里，我断断续续，若即若离的徘徊在基督徒的这个圈子里，直到今天我才敢说我真正的知道自己得救了。

其实我信主的这段道路走的很长，中间弯弯曲曲绕了很多冤枉路，这几年来，我一直在拒绝，一直在逃避，但是神真的是一直没有放弃我，一件接一件的事情让我看到神在我身上做的功让我知道神一直没有放弃我。

实际上，去年8月 底的决志祷告是我认识主以来的第二次决志。我在国内很早就接触到了基督教，而且差点受洗了，但是我选择了逃避因为我每到最后的关头就在犹豫自己是不是真的 信神。在国内，我家附近就有一个特别大的教堂，小时候我因为好奇进去过一两次，但是说实话印象不太好，觉得教堂里阴森森的很恐怖。高中的时候有外教，他们 都是美国俄勒冈州和华盛顿州派到我们学校的missionary，但是我自己不知道。我的外教对我都特别好，除了正常上课还经常邀请我去他们家吃饭，带他们逛街等等，于是从小培养了我对英语的爱好。

正式接触和认识神是在大一那一年。当时我和另外一个男生被学校选拔出来参加中央电视台的CCTV杯大学生英语演讲比赛，那个男生是高中的时候来过美国交流学习而且是个很虔诚的基督徒。每天培训完，那个男生就跟我聊天跟我传福音，当时我就很好奇，稀里糊涂就跟他做了决志祷告。暑假我们培训和比赛结束，大二上学期我开始参加校园里他们的团契，每周日早上大家都会聚在我们中文学院后面的小花园里，唱歌，祷告，分享，读经。大概3个月后，他们要我受洗，我突然觉得很害怕，因为我觉得我就想跟他们一起玩，但是我不是真的信神。拖到大二上学期结束，回家和家人一商量决定彻底远离他们，于是后来不管他们怎么打电话怎么联系我，我就是不理。大二下学期，自己也很忙，因为我们班大三要被学校和国家汉办联合送到泰国去交流学习一年，我被选拔为我们班出国的总团长，一个人要负责全班的护照机票签证还有我们在外一年的学习生活，当时课业任务又很重，我还同时给两个美国学生做汉语家教，这样我就忙着的生活再也没有回到那个校园团契里了。到了泰国，人生地不熟，自己泰语那时还不是很好，作为团长全班同学都很依赖我，所以那时我的压力特别大。偶然的机会我认识了一个美国男生，后来才知道他是我在南宁带的一个美国学生的好朋友。当时我在国内做汉语家教的两个学生都是missionary而且他们一直以为我是基督徒，反正我也不吭声，每次他们要去哪里宣教我就带路做翻译跟着他们一起去。所以在泰国认识的那个美国男生早就从我学生那里听说过我。我抵达泰国后，他各方面都很照顾我而且把我带去了他常去的一个国际教会。那时候我真的自己完全不信神，我不知道他们是不是已经从我国内的朋友那里知道我已经终止了周日的团契，但还是一直对我很好，遇到任何困难和麻烦都尽力来帮助我。我当时泰语不好，泰国人讲话听不懂，帮班里办事的时候很着急，教会里的那些美国朋友就用英语来辅导我学泰语，就在那个时候我的英语和泰语这两门外语都得到了飞速的进步。因为想提高自己的语言能力，我一直没有告诉他们，我已经不是基督徒了，无论他们有什么活动我还是一直参加。大概1-2个月后，我的泰语已经有了质的飞跃，一个很突然的机会，我进到了中国驻泰王国总领事馆工作，任务是协助副领事处理在泰北地区的留学生事务。当时身兼双职，学校的领导三不五时的给我打电话发邮件说一定要把班上同学管好，不能随便让同学们参加当地的政治宗教活动，在领事馆里工作经常也是开会三令五申的强调泰国政治和宗教形式复杂，佛教，基督教，伊斯兰教宣教特别自由，教会众多，一定要保证我们中国留学生不能参加这些教会活动。在我们留学的大学后面走路不到5分钟就有个很大的华人基督教堂，就跟现在我们教会和UMKC一样。我们班同学一到周 末都会去那里吃饭去玩。我作为负责人，当时做了件很不道德的事情，我阻止我们班同学集体往教堂里跑，但是同时自己又整天和那帮欧洲与美国的基督徒在一起参 加他们的教会活动。（但是我们班还是很蒙福的一个集体，我来美国终于信了神。其他同学在大学毕业回到泰国工作后也有不少在主里得救了，我们班当时的班长， 团支书和他们的几个好朋友也在我们学校后面的教堂决志受洗成为基督徒，现在被他们教会送到韩国去读神学院了）。

一直以来，我的成长虽然有些小波折，但还是很一帆风顺的。从小到大学习从来没让家里人担心过，大大小小的奖状奖杯往家里捧，经常出入电台电视台参加各种比赛，家里人一直以我为荣，我也从来把这些归咎为自己的努力没想到过这是神的恩典。表面上很谦逊，但是以前的自己骨子里真的是很高傲的。因为大三一年在泰国领事馆的工作经验，回国后校领导建议我考国家外交部的公务员， 因为我们学校专攻东南亚的小语种，每年都有名额往国家外交部和对外宣传部输送几个优秀的学生。我自己也很矛盾，感觉我的性格根本不适合长期在政府部门工 作，后来跟我当时工作的那个副领事好好聊了一会得知以前有个跟我一样的学生也是之前在领事馆工作一年毕业后考进去正式入编成为管留学生事务的副领事，但是 就在我去泰国的前一年他辞职了，跑来美国读书了。我就在想，堂堂的副领事的工作都不要跑来美国读书，看来这个选择更好，于是我也选择来美国。接着一切很顺利，因为当时自己一分钱的财产证明没有，非常害怕签证，当时就抱着赌一把的心理去签证，结果签证官什么话都没说，看了通知书就给我撕条了。

来美国前，系主任是答应给我RA的，这样自己就没有学费和生活费负担了所以我没找家里要多少钱，一个人就这样杀过来了。但是我来了后系主任告诉我，原来预计空出来的一个职位因为学生不能如期毕业要延长工作合同，我暂时不能拿到那个RA的职位。我一下就傻了，感觉上帝跟我开了个大大的玩笑啊。既 然已经出来，我就没打算再找家里要一分钱，知道家里都是很普通的人，他们确实没有能力帮助远在美国的我。于是一个人真的很绝望，很惶恐，不知道自己该怎么 活下去。绝望之中，我又做了一次决志祷告，开始跟神祷告，希望神能解决我的问题让我活下去。说实话当时真是病急乱投医，也不知道灵不灵，就自己每天晚上在 那使劲的祷告。但是奇迹还真的发生了，我来这姚璐姐妹带着我在校园里填表找工作，很多人申请校内工作一直没有着落，我来这里8月一开学，体育馆都不要我第二轮面试直接去培训上班了。我当时自己都被吓了一跳，但是这一切让我看到了希望。在体育馆工作2个月，我们教育学院一个教授需要RA于是我又辞职回到学院里做RA，一年合同结束，系里的RA毕业，位置空出来，系主任和老师没有忘记我，还是给了我原先就答应给我的那个RA职位。当我拿到第一份工作，知道生存问题解决后，我就远离主，再也没怎么读圣经和祷告了。后面断断续续参加一些教会活动也当是去玩，直到那天晚上我们大家在蔡伯父蔡伯母家吃饭，所有人都在劝说丁飞决志，我是唯一一个坐着远远围观没有参与对话的人。听着所有人交谈，感觉像一阵阵的雷声灌入我耳里送进我心里，让我想到了我自己到底是什么样的。那 天晚上回来，我一个晚上没有睡觉。想到以前所有的一切，眼泪自己往下掉，我觉得我是个罪人，是个骗子。丁飞他还不能完全接受他至少大胆的说出来，而我是根 本不吭声人家怎么说我都不反驳，特地让人家误以为我信主了，我实质是混迹教会的一个伪基督徒。我现在知道那时是圣灵开始在我心里工作，让我真正有了感动， 从接触神到如今这5年来一幕幕就像放电影一样在我脑子里显现，从中国到泰国到美国，我再也忍不住了，一个人凌晨2，3点躺在床上哭的直抽泣，我就像一个做错事的孩子突然认识到了自己所有的错误觉得自己好可怕。第二天，我去了我的decipler—Jeannett的家里，我把我所有的往事都告诉她，而且哭的很难受，我觉得我自己真的错了。那天我们聊了好久，真的感觉Jeannette就是上帝派到我身边的一个天使，在他的带领下，我做了忏悔祷告祈求神的原谅，从此，自己真的就像有种力量住进我心里，一道光射进心底看到自己所有的阴暗面。我知道我不想再过从前的那种自私自利的生活。

以前的自己把神当阿拉丁神灯一样，遇到困难和麻烦就猛求猛祷告，没有事情了自己就把神抛到脑后了。5年 前我因为好奇和贪玩所做的一个决志祷告，神那时就已经看在眼里，一步步把我引导到今天。我真的很感激，在我远离和背弃神的时候，他没有放弃我，一直努力着 让我从新回到他的怀抱。这些年来，身边的姊妹弟兄一个个无私的帮助我，从我不信神的时候就开始无微不至的关照我，从学习，到语言，到工作，到友情，所有的 一切我知道都是神的供应。这个暑假，自从我真正决志像神忏悔，从心底接受神后的两个月，我的生活过得是一团糟，各种各样的麻烦事一起向我涌来，坏事接二连三的发生，车祸，赔钱，与室友关系跌到低谷，上班期间发烧感染重病，学业受挫，自己的研究项目错误频出害得导师跟我一起丢脸…….我真的从来没有过的这么失落过也从来没有在两个月里遇见这么多的麻烦。我甚至怀疑我的决定，是不是所有的倒霉事都因为我决定信主闹的，差点决定又一次背弃神。但是这次和前面几次都不一样，弟兄姊妹们一直在我身边为我打气加油，告诉我生命总会遇到试探，尤其我们的得救是那么珍贵的礼物，我不应该轻易放弃。雅各书1章12节里面就说过，“忍受试探的人是有福的，因为他经过试炼以后，必得生命的冠冕，这是主应许给那些爱他之人的。”我真的很激动我最终能走到8月16号，没有又一次反悔和逃避，最终接受洗礼真正成为他的跟随者，成为一个真正的基督徒因为他是那样无条件的爱我。上帝赐给我的甚至比我在地上的父母还要多，得着他，信靠他让我的生命如此丰盛，再有怎么样的困难我也不害怕，我知道从今往后有神与我同在，生命里的每一步他就如我亲生父亲一样牵着我的手往前行，当我经历死荫幽谷历经生命的磨难时，是他抱着我在走，父亲永远不会放弃自己的女儿的。

最后我想跟大家分享两段我最喜欢的经文：马太福音6：25-34， 不要为明天忧郁。我知道还有很多弟兄姊妹和刚来美国的同学跟去年此时的我一样，为着自己的经济，工作这些问题而担忧。但是希望你们从我身上能够看到希望， 看到上帝的慈爱与恩典，他会看到我们的需要，供应一切我们需要的给我们，只要我们真正相信他。正如这段经文所讲的，地上的百合，天上的飞鸟，他们不播种不 收获，不纺线不编制，但是上帝依然养活他们让他们不担心衣食。我们不是比他们更尊贵吗？只要我们有信心，希望就不会灭，因为神会看顾我们。他会这样丰富的供应我，也会同样甚至更多的去供应你的！
另外一段是罗马书8：35-39，谁能使我们与基督的爱隔绝呢？难道是患难吗？是困苦吗？是逼迫吗？是饥饿吗？……因 为我深信无论是生，是死，是生，是天使，是掌权的，是有能的，是现在的事，是将来的事，是高处的，是低处的，是别的受造之物，都不能叫我们与神的爱隔绝， 这爱是在我们的主基督耶稣里的。无论何时何地，充满信心，因为主创造了我们，他爱我们，这种无条件的爱是超越了世界任何人的，他会帮我们安排好我们的道路 一步步走下去，在我们面临险恶与试探的时候，他都没有背弃我们，因为没有什么能使我们与神的爱隔绝！





I arrived in the U.S. on August 4, 2008. Like many students who are from mainland China, I was an atheist who never believed God exists. I felt that nothing can help us except ourselves because our education tells us there is no savior in the world and we need to depend on ourselves for everything.

When I first came to the U.S. without any friend or relatives, I felt so lonely and bored here. At the orientation, I signed up for the American friendship partner program with ISI. A couple of days later, I got a young couple as my friendship partner. They were so nice and showed me around the city whenever they had free time. Since then, I was thinking about why those people who I never met before were so nice to us.

From ISI, we have the new students garage giveaway, fellowship every Friday, international students' parties.... It benefits our international students so much. What motivated these people to do those things for us? Why they gave all what we need for free? I was so curious and kept going to all parties and activities that held by ISI. I also even asked Heather (my American friendship partner) why ISI treated us so nice? Heather told me that this love is from God, because God loves us first. All those things brought me closer and closer to Jesus.

My way to accepting Jesus Christ as my savior however was not straight at all. I’ve been through many things all these years and I tried to escape from Him all the time. Looking back, I can see that God never abandoned me even though I always refused Him.

When I was a university freshman in China, another boy and I were selected to take part in the National College Student English speaking.  I knew that he had come to study in the U.S. when he was in high school but I didn’t know he was a Christian. He was very nice to me and later we became best friends. He shared the Gospel with me every day after our training class.

At that time, I said the believer’s prayer with him and joined the Sunday worship service with him on campus. There were about 10 Christian students who made up a small “underground church” at our university. They usually gathered in a small garden behind our School of Chinese Language and Literature every Sunday morning. We prayed, sang praise songs, shared experiences and Bible study together. Three months later, they tried to convince me to be baptized. I knew that I just wanted to hang out with them since they were all so nice and friendly, but I didn’t believe in God at all at that time. I didn’t want to get baptized so I stopped going to the fellowship and tried my best to escape from them. No matter how hard they tried to contact me, I avoided them and pretended I never knew them.

In my sophomore year our class was sent to Thailand to study for a year and to finish our teaching practicum.  I worked as a part-time Chinese tutor for two American girls. They were missionaries from our campus church, and both thought I was a Christian.  I didn’t tell them that I had stopped going to that student fellowship because I thought they wouldn’t want to continue to hire me if I was not a Christian. Whenever they needed to go to the village and small towns to spread the Gospel, I was always their guide and interpreter.

In Thailand, I also got to know a man named Jason. He showed me around the city and took me to an international church.   I was elected to be the class monitor.  I was responsible for all the class’s passports, visas, air tickets and our one year life in Thailand.  I lived under a lot of pressure at that time.   What’s worse, no one in our class could speak Thai and they all completely depended on me.  The people in that international church volunteered to teach me more Thai using English after discovering my struggle.

When I first came to the US I met a girl from my town in China.  She shared the gospel with me and again I said the believer’s prayer with her. But I still didn’t believe God completely at that time.  I just prayed because I felt desperate about my life here. It seemed that there was no other choice for me. I wanted to find out whether something could help me out from this disappointing life.  Sometimes I would go to church and sometimes I wouldn’t.  I would go just for fun.  I still didn’t quite believe it. Religion sounded like something that people created to lie to themselves.

Then a great change happened to me one night while having dinner with other Chinese students. After dinner, they tried persuade a student to accept Christ.  I was the only one who didn’t join in the conversation. Watching them alone from the corner of the living room, I thought he was very brave because he dared to say that he couldn’t do it right then and he still needed time to accept it.  I started thinking about myself; all these years - I had never denied others when they shared the Gospel with me because I didn’t have the courage to refuse. I just smiled when others asked me whether I believed in God or not. I sometimes had let others think that I was a Christian on purpose.

I couldn’t sleep the whole night after coming back that day. I thought about myself and all the things that had happened the past several years. I felt I was a cheat and therefore I had sinned. Everything that had happened the past five years, from China to Thailand to the U.S., was like a movie playing in my mind. I cried on my bed until 2 or 3 am in the morning.

I was scared for myself because I never before thought I had ever done anything wrong. Right then, I think that was the Holy Spirit working in my heart. It was like a shining light went to the bottom of my heart; I saw all the dark things inside. I felt so guilty and couldn’t stop crying.

The next day I went to a Christian friend’s home.  I told all my previous experience to her and cried again. I thought I was a terrible person who lied and was so selfish.  Jeannette was like an angel - she talked with me for a long time and shared God’s words with me.  I prayed together with her to confess my sin and show repentance.  I felt so peaceful and Jeanette told me God will forgive me. He is our Father and is waiting for us all the time to go back to Him. I gave my life to Christ finally — Jesus died for us to take our sins. Amen!

After that, my life had many troubles that came to me all at once, such as a car accident without insurance, breaking of the relationship with my roommate, sickness from work, a bad job on my summer school’s homework, mistakes on my research project …. I even thought I shouldn’t have made the decision to accept Jesus Christ because there were so many horrible things happening to me and causing me a lot of stress. Fortunately, all the brothers and sisters helped me and encouraged me all the time so that I didn’t give up this time. I know, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who loved him” (James, 1:12).

One of my favorite verses is Romans 8:35-39: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution….For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers…will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

He is our heavenly Father, in every step of our life, He holds our hands to walk together with us, when we experience hardship or even death. He holds us with His arms. No matter what, God will not abandon his sons and daughters; nothing can separate us from the love of God!